Radiation, Anger, and the Such.

So it occurred to me a few minutes ago as I recline on the couch, resting my computer on my belly, that the computer could be sending radiation STRAIGHT INTO MY WOMB. Hooray for (perhaps) irrational fears!

My mood has continued to be pretty even, for the most part. I have recognized that I am digging up old-ish grudges and feeling irate about them again. I've solved a few by simply writing the people off. I have one more big one with my best friend through middle school and high school that I need to decide if I'm going to be the bigger person and attempt to communicate, or if I write her off as well. I intend to spend just a few more days ruminating on that one. I suspect that it's the pregnancy hormones digging all this stuff up, but at the same time I feel like it's a good opportunity to purge my life of unnecessary heartache. I have enough issues without creating more from friends that should have passed out of my worldview years ago.

My tolerance for stupidity has reached an all time low. If it plunges much lower I may end up actually telling people off, so I'm trying to keep that reigned in to the best of my ability.

I managed to take an hour nap today, and I feel a little better because of it. The insomnia is still ruining my life. I hate hate hate the lack of drugs. I know that I lament on this in every post, but for someone whose motto has been 'Better living through chemistry.' this is an abrupt and nasty change.

I need more local and female friends. I should really get off my ass and actually take a prenatal yoga class and/or find a local pregnancy support message board. I'm just afraid with the message board that I won't be able to stand the women because they'll be all about baby. I don't want to be one of those women where this is all consuming. I have to admit, that I'm already talking about it more than I would like... and I'm not sure how to stop it. We'll see if things get better next semester.

It looks like we're going to move. It's considered a government move so we qualify for an actual moving service, which is good. The new house has a better layout for putting in a baby room. I suppose that it's good that I'm thinking of these things. My mother is chomping at the bit to know what the sex is, but she still has eight to ten weeks. I have no real preference at this point. I feel that both genders have their pros and cons. We'll see.

Tylenol = The Worst Painkiller EVER.

Tylenol doesn't do shit for me. Not for headaches, not for back pain, not for anything. It seems unfair that the crappiest painkiller on the market is the only one that's available.

I'm not sleeping. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember, but it's NEVER been this bad. I have to wonder if my sleep became more fitful after S. and I had a gigantic argument over whether or not it was 'normal' for me to be as exhausted as I am during pregnancy or if I was using the pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy. Needless to say, there were a lot of tears with that one. This pregnancy has led me to worry about that stability of my relationship as well. Since the aforementioned fight things have seemed better, for the most part, but I don't feel like S. is worshipping me as pregnant women should be worshipped. For example, I wanted curry and the thai place is six miles away, through a bunch of stoplights. There was no curry for me. Maybe my expectations are too idealized, kind of like the perfect relationship. After all, S. is only human and in his shoes I wouldn't want to go get me curry or bananas at one in the morning either.  All the same.

I hate being pregnant. There I said it. Again. I also find newborn babies to be almost intolerably creepy. The first person to say, 'You'll feel different about your own!' gets punched in the face.

Other things that annoy me: Women who are so fat you can hardly tell that they're pregnant. Also. Idiotic people that think that if you make sloppy joe's with tofu, that's automatically 'healthy eating'.

In more normal pregnancy feeling: Last week we had the first ultrasound done to see exactly how far along I was, we saw/heard the baby's heartbeat and of course got a picture that looked like a peanut. I think that helped with making it more 'mine'. Another healthy change in my attitude that I noticed was that I have no desire to be glib about this child in my normal life. My reaction to serious things normally is to make a joke about them. I don't really feel the desire to minimize this child by doing that...