Better.

My insomnia is still fucking everything up. I'm just grateful that my summer classes all start late in the day, giving me no excuse not to go. That being said, I still wish that I was able to get a decent night's sleep... or at least be able to nap during the day. Other than that however, I'm starting to feel more normal.

I bought a balance board for the Wii. I've seen mixed reviews on exercise during pregnancy, and I definitely don't want to overdo it. That being said, since I was (kind of) a runner before the pregnancy, I think that the balance board activities should be light enough not to do any real damage, and I hope that exercise will help me sleep a little better, since it's become abundantly clear that my doctor is unwilling to do anything to help the matter.

As far as the Ob/Gyn goes, I'm still not convinced that I'm with the right practitioners. The last appointment that I went to, I wasn't seen by the doctor until a HOUR after my scheduled appointment time. Completely unacceptable. Then when I saw the doctor and complained about my insomnia and migraines with, "I'm almost completely non-functional and I don't know what to do." the response was, "You're not going to like this answer, but I don't know what to do either." Seriously? You've been an Ob for what appears to be a thousand years and you don't know what to do? I would have accepted, "There's nothing I can do." or "There aren't any safe options." but "I don't know what to do." is COMPLETELY unacceptable. These people get one more appointment, and if they continue to suck... I'm going to explore other options. Medical files can be transferred and who to deliver your baby seems like a pretty big decision, especially if (God forbid) I need a C-section. I just wish that I had a better idea of who a decent doctor would be.

S. and I should be getting married pretty soon. That ought to shut people up. Though when I told my mom that I had decided to keep my last name, she responded with, "Oh no... just don't tell your father, he doesn't need to know." Right. I definitely do not understand what that is all about.

My Newest Disorder

Fatal Familial Insomnia. Affects 1 in 30 million of the population. A genetic prion disease where you eventually die from not being able to sleep... at least that's what I feel like I have.

After receiving a lecture from my father about how I must not be practicing good sleep hygiene or following conventional wisdom (like not taking naps in the middle of the day) or else I WOULD be sleeping, I feel generally pissed off and even more frustrated about not being able to sleep. Thanks Dad. I just need to remember that he just cares about me and wants to make sure that the peanut and I are happy and healthy. The pregnancy hormones (or my otherwise general insanity) make me feel as if he's attacking me.

Got up and got out of the house today. Went into town and saw the Dean and worked out a good schedule for this summer and fall. I feel more stable about where my legal education is going and things seem brighter on that front than they have in awhile.

S. comes home tomorrow and we'll get married sometime in the next two weeks, which will finally get the crazies off my back. I won't have to start every conversation with my father hearing, 'Are you married yet?' I've planned 'the babymoon'. S. would have liked to go to Vegas to get married, but let's face it... that's a shitty place for a pregnant woman. The smoke and the noise and the alcohol... fun any other time though... so instead we'll get married in the courthouse and take an Alaskan cruise in late May. It will be our last 'real' vacation.

Those words just look ominous.

Symptoms.

The onset of irritating pregnancy symptoms set in sometime last week. Of course there is the expected nausea, though it hasn't been too bad yet. I know that I'm unusually susceptible to the power of suggestion.


I've already decided after reading the classic What to Expect When You're Expecting that I must be having twins because I'm itching more than usual. In the same vein, every day I find new scary things that I have done wrong over the past eight(?) weeks. Today it was taking hot baths. Apparently during the first twelve weeks if you take a bath that is over 102 degrees F, you're putting your child at risk for neural tube defects and also increases the risk of miscarriage. Super.


So let's list the ways this child is currently ruining my life causing me some temporary discomfort.
I can no longer:
Have a glass of wine
Eat carpaccio, sushi, or anything else uncooked.
Eat a medium rare steak
Take my anti-anxiety meds.
Take Advil, Aleve, or Acetaminophen.
Sleep.
TAKE A HOT BATH!!


Really - must you take my last avenue of respite? I suppose that I should be grateful that at least this one internal mechanism of maternal concern, though I have to wonder if even that concern is not self-serving.


Let me be honest.


I don't know if I could handle a handicapped child. I need this baby to be healthy because having this baby is about all I can take. I don't need any other surprises or things to get 'excited' about.


In other news, which I know is not the topic of this blog, but it was so upsetting it will be good to get out, my cousin's husband put this down as his Facebook status:


"The end of time is near. Look at all the worlds events. From war to natural disasters, it is coming and you better be right with the Lord."


God Almighty. Really? It took all of my restraint not to educate the man on history, science, or to just flat out make a sarcastic remark. Maybe something like, 'Amen brother, look at all the divorced, unmarried, pregnant women about! And don't forget the gays on TV!


In other news regarding crazy, churchy relatives. My Grandmother on the same side has not called to congratulate me or my mother. I don't know if she's spoken to my father. I'm sure she's horrified that I'm not married and taking my sweet time at it. True, I was engaged for almost a year and living together almost as long when this child was conceived, but a stable relationship obviously isn't a stable relationship without a MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE! What will Jesus think?!?! Expect more on this later.


I can't figure out what's wrong with this formatting.