Missing her, missing me.

So the husband and the girl have been gone for almost a week. I miss them more than I thought I would and I've gotten a lot less done than I thought I would. That's alright. Exams are over and I've been attempting a lot of knitting at watching a lot of Netflix.

Oddly, with the girl gone with my parents for a bit, I worry less. I know she's in good hands - assuming my mother isn't feeding her dollar store food.

There's a lot in my head but not much to say. I've been staying up too late, completely throwing off my sleep schedule. The dishes need to be done, etc, etc, etc. Mundane.

Better.

My insomnia is still fucking everything up. I'm just grateful that my summer classes all start late in the day, giving me no excuse not to go. That being said, I still wish that I was able to get a decent night's sleep... or at least be able to nap during the day. Other than that however, I'm starting to feel more normal.

I bought a balance board for the Wii. I've seen mixed reviews on exercise during pregnancy, and I definitely don't want to overdo it. That being said, since I was (kind of) a runner before the pregnancy, I think that the balance board activities should be light enough not to do any real damage, and I hope that exercise will help me sleep a little better, since it's become abundantly clear that my doctor is unwilling to do anything to help the matter.

As far as the Ob/Gyn goes, I'm still not convinced that I'm with the right practitioners. The last appointment that I went to, I wasn't seen by the doctor until a HOUR after my scheduled appointment time. Completely unacceptable. Then when I saw the doctor and complained about my insomnia and migraines with, "I'm almost completely non-functional and I don't know what to do." the response was, "You're not going to like this answer, but I don't know what to do either." Seriously? You've been an Ob for what appears to be a thousand years and you don't know what to do? I would have accepted, "There's nothing I can do." or "There aren't any safe options." but "I don't know what to do." is COMPLETELY unacceptable. These people get one more appointment, and if they continue to suck... I'm going to explore other options. Medical files can be transferred and who to deliver your baby seems like a pretty big decision, especially if (God forbid) I need a C-section. I just wish that I had a better idea of who a decent doctor would be.

S. and I should be getting married pretty soon. That ought to shut people up. Though when I told my mom that I had decided to keep my last name, she responded with, "Oh no... just don't tell your father, he doesn't need to know." Right. I definitely do not understand what that is all about.

My Newest Disorder

Fatal Familial Insomnia. Affects 1 in 30 million of the population. A genetic prion disease where you eventually die from not being able to sleep... at least that's what I feel like I have.

After receiving a lecture from my father about how I must not be practicing good sleep hygiene or following conventional wisdom (like not taking naps in the middle of the day) or else I WOULD be sleeping, I feel generally pissed off and even more frustrated about not being able to sleep. Thanks Dad. I just need to remember that he just cares about me and wants to make sure that the peanut and I are happy and healthy. The pregnancy hormones (or my otherwise general insanity) make me feel as if he's attacking me.

Got up and got out of the house today. Went into town and saw the Dean and worked out a good schedule for this summer and fall. I feel more stable about where my legal education is going and things seem brighter on that front than they have in awhile.

S. comes home tomorrow and we'll get married sometime in the next two weeks, which will finally get the crazies off my back. I won't have to start every conversation with my father hearing, 'Are you married yet?' I've planned 'the babymoon'. S. would have liked to go to Vegas to get married, but let's face it... that's a shitty place for a pregnant woman. The smoke and the noise and the alcohol... fun any other time though... so instead we'll get married in the courthouse and take an Alaskan cruise in late May. It will be our last 'real' vacation.

Those words just look ominous.

Attempting Respite

Finally spoke with the Ob/Gyn today. Ironically, he called me. He told me that my medications were most likely alright, but many of them were newer so the studies weren't as comprehensive as they were with some of the other older drugs, but he didn't seem too concerned. I suppose that's a good thing.

He did seem more concerned about my insomnia. "That's definitely not normal." Excellent. His suggestion was that I come off of my Cymbalta for a few days and see if that's helpful. I don't think that insomnia is a normal side-effect of Cymbalta, I think it was more of a guess based on how the medication is hypothetically supposed to work. I'm desperate enough to try it. I've always felt that Cymbalta was the extraneous medication. I forgot to ask about the migraines. That will have to wait until the sixth, I suppose.

Taking my vitamins and meds with food really seems to help as long as I eat and then immediately take the pills.

Everything is a copy of a copy...

The insomnia has been worse. At the same time, if I had to work I would be almost non-functioning. This has to get better. People keep asking me what the doctor has said. I don't know what to tell them, since I haven't seen the doctor. I'm not overly pleased with the quality of care that I'm getting. The ultrasound tech told me that the doctor's at the clinic that I'm going to don't like to see women until the heartbeat can be heard because, "It freaks pregnant women out..." I'm thinking that I'm more freaked out not having a relationship with my doctor, therefore not having anyone that I can call. I'm bitching, but what I really need to do is just call the clinic and start demanding attention.

Then again, when I saw the ultrasound tech to determine exactly how far along I was, I asked her about the medication I was taking to determine if I was a high risk pregnancy and she assured me the doctor would call me later that day or the next day at the latest. That was March 17. I still haven't heard from a doctor. I need to get off my ass and just call.

Today is my dad's birthday. Naturally the first thing that he asked me when we spoke was if I was married yet. No. I am not. The good news for him is that the end is in sight because we're going to move into base housing and to do that we have to be married. That will be one less thing for people to harass me about.

I also posted a due date countdown on my Facebook page today. It was rather... demoralizing. Based on my due date I have about 216 days to go. 216 days before I can have sushi. 216 days before I can have decent painkillers, or anti-anxiety meds, or take a hot bath guilt free, or enjoy a glass of wine, or not take vitamins, or... so many other things. I'm just grateful that I'm not a coffee drinker of a smoker. That would make all of this ever so much more unpleasant.

I dread taking my vitamins and pills every night. Just the thought of it makes me feel a little queasy. I hate this.