More of What I'm Sick of...

Is it weird that it irritates me when complete strangers ask me about my pregnancy?

"Oh! When are you due?!"
How about... none of your fucking business lady.

"Do you know what it is yet?!"
Actually, it's a tumor that just causes me to look pregnant. Thanks for reminding me.

Up until this point my mother has been pretty okay and mostly helpful and excited about the pregnancy... which I appreciate. But the farther along that I get and the more we talk about actual child-rearing... the more turbulence we seem to incur.

I've been doing reading of current studies - mostly on infant safety. She does not always agree.

Example?
You're not supposed to put blankets, pillows, stuffed animals -- basically anything -- in the crib with the baby. Doing so increases the risk of suffocation and SIDS. So I put swaddling blankets and blankets intended for just that purpose on my registry.
"We'll see how long that lasts, it's going to be a pain in the butt." Thanks for your support.

I told my mother of my intent to put sunscreen on the baby every time we leave the house - maybe to just make it a post cleaning ritual "Why?" Um. Because exposure to sun, especially in infants leads to a much higher likelihood of skin cancer later on?

There's been more - but I'm too weary to write about it right now. I've opened up another blog on Tumblr http://aprilannies.tumblr.com It's more 'April Uncensored' I like Tumblr because you don't even have to think if you don't want to.

Feeling

I'm sick of everyone telling me how I'm going to feel.

"The first kick is magical"
"You're going to fall in love the first time you hold her!"

Et cetera, bullshit, et cetera.

How do you know how I'm going to feel? Maybe I'm a sociopath and I won't feel anything.

Radiation, Anger, and the Such.

So it occurred to me a few minutes ago as I recline on the couch, resting my computer on my belly, that the computer could be sending radiation STRAIGHT INTO MY WOMB. Hooray for (perhaps) irrational fears!

My mood has continued to be pretty even, for the most part. I have recognized that I am digging up old-ish grudges and feeling irate about them again. I've solved a few by simply writing the people off. I have one more big one with my best friend through middle school and high school that I need to decide if I'm going to be the bigger person and attempt to communicate, or if I write her off as well. I intend to spend just a few more days ruminating on that one. I suspect that it's the pregnancy hormones digging all this stuff up, but at the same time I feel like it's a good opportunity to purge my life of unnecessary heartache. I have enough issues without creating more from friends that should have passed out of my worldview years ago.

My tolerance for stupidity has reached an all time low. If it plunges much lower I may end up actually telling people off, so I'm trying to keep that reigned in to the best of my ability.

I managed to take an hour nap today, and I feel a little better because of it. The insomnia is still ruining my life. I hate hate hate the lack of drugs. I know that I lament on this in every post, but for someone whose motto has been 'Better living through chemistry.' this is an abrupt and nasty change.

I need more local and female friends. I should really get off my ass and actually take a prenatal yoga class and/or find a local pregnancy support message board. I'm just afraid with the message board that I won't be able to stand the women because they'll be all about baby. I don't want to be one of those women where this is all consuming. I have to admit, that I'm already talking about it more than I would like... and I'm not sure how to stop it. We'll see if things get better next semester.

It looks like we're going to move. It's considered a government move so we qualify for an actual moving service, which is good. The new house has a better layout for putting in a baby room. I suppose that it's good that I'm thinking of these things. My mother is chomping at the bit to know what the sex is, but she still has eight to ten weeks. I have no real preference at this point. I feel that both genders have their pros and cons. We'll see.

'The Mommy Club'

Ugh. Seriously?

Right now I'm having difficulty with the people on Facebook, other than my family and close friends that I've actually spoken with this about, who say anything more than 'Congratulations!' I don't particularly want to hear that 'Kids are the best!' or 'Welcome to the Mommy Club!' I want to tell them that I never wanted to BE a part of the Mommy Club. I wanted to be a lawyer and possibly a judge but now, instead of finishing law school in 2.5 years -- best case I'll be done in four with the part time program -- worst case I won't be able to handle a new baby and pressure from law school and I won't finish at all. Best case I'll get an 'easier' masters degree -- worst case, I'll never complete any more education and will die with only a bachelor's degree. So maybe that's a little over the top. But I had made the conscious decision not to have children -- not for a long time -- until my husband could quit his job to care for them, if ever.

My mother had resigned herself to never have grandchildren, now she's beside herself. She keeps asking me, "Have you thought about..." what kind of bed, bottles, pacifiers, etc that I want the baby to have. No Mom, I have not. I will bow to your wisdom. Would you like to raise the baby for the next 3 years? Naturally, she does not.

With all these people so excited I can't help but pose the question, 'What's WRONG with me?' Everyone else is so 'excited'. Well I'm not.

I suppose that I should give myself time. I've known I was pregnant less than three weeks, I haven't even had my first doctor's appointment yet, other than the confirmation blood test.