So the husband and the girl have been gone for almost a week. I miss them more than I thought I would and I've gotten a lot less done than I thought I would. That's alright. Exams are over and I've been attempting a lot of knitting at watching a lot of Netflix.
Oddly, with the girl gone with my parents for a bit, I worry less. I know she's in good hands - assuming my mother isn't feeding her dollar store food.
There's a lot in my head but not much to say. I've been staying up too late, completely throwing off my sleep schedule. The dishes need to be done, etc, etc, etc. Mundane.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Pregnancy Anger
Boy was I an angry girl. I suspect it was fueled from fear of the unknown and being terrified of not having a healthy baby... something that still scares the bejeezus out of me
Is she making enough eye contact? Could that mean autism?
Is she eating enough? Why is she so small? Is it normal that she's wearing six month clothes at eight months?
...and round and round it goes.
This doesn't mean I'm not still an insufferable cynic and generally negative online. But I don't want to punch people in the face anymore... except for people who say: "A mother's work is never done." I want to punch them. Especially with they use this: ":)" emoticon with it or finish up the statement with 'LOL' Ugh.
Is she making enough eye contact? Could that mean autism?
Is she eating enough? Why is she so small? Is it normal that she's wearing six month clothes at eight months?
...and round and round it goes.
This doesn't mean I'm not still an insufferable cynic and generally negative online. But I don't want to punch people in the face anymore... except for people who say: "A mother's work is never done." I want to punch them. Especially with they use this: ":)" emoticon with it or finish up the statement with 'LOL' Ugh.
The Lengthy Hiatus
...The lengthy hiatus.
I'm still debating if I want to keep this around because of future employers and the such. Monitoring your internet activity is SO tiresome. I want to write what I want to write. I need to express how it is I'm feeling. If an employer disagrees with things that are near and deae to my heart (or at least near and dear enough to blog about... do I really want to work there?) ... in this economy. Maybe.
While this is still a 'mommy blog' of sorts, I can't promise that I won't stray to other topics. ... there's a lot out there that annoys me.
I'm still debating if I want to keep this around because of future employers and the such. Monitoring your internet activity is SO tiresome. I want to write what I want to write. I need to express how it is I'm feeling. If an employer disagrees with things that are near and deae to my heart (or at least near and dear enough to blog about... do I really want to work there?) ... in this economy. Maybe.
While this is still a 'mommy blog' of sorts, I can't promise that I won't stray to other topics. ... there's a lot out there that annoys me.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
When the baby gets here...
Since it's a girl... I'm going to dress her up in blue and then when people say, 'Oh! What a cute little boy!' I'm going to get all snarky and say, 'She's a GIRL.'
Saturday, June 26, 2010
More of What I'm Sick of...
Is it weird that it irritates me when complete strangers ask me about my pregnancy?
"Oh! When are you due?!"
How about... none of your fucking business lady.
"Do you know what it is yet?!"
Actually, it's a tumor that just causes me to look pregnant. Thanks for reminding me.
Up until this point my mother has been pretty okay and mostly helpful and excited about the pregnancy... which I appreciate. But the farther along that I get and the more we talk about actual child-rearing... the more turbulence we seem to incur.
I've been doing reading of current studies - mostly on infant safety. She does not always agree.
Example?
You're not supposed to put blankets, pillows, stuffed animals -- basically anything -- in the crib with the baby. Doing so increases the risk of suffocation and SIDS. So I put swaddling blankets and blankets intended for just that purpose on my registry.
"We'll see how long that lasts, it's going to be a pain in the butt." Thanks for your support.
I told my mother of my intent to put sunscreen on the baby every time we leave the house - maybe to just make it a post cleaning ritual "Why?" Um. Because exposure to sun, especially in infants leads to a much higher likelihood of skin cancer later on?
There's been more - but I'm too weary to write about it right now. I've opened up another blog on Tumblr http://aprilannies.tumblr.com It's more 'April Uncensored' I like Tumblr because you don't even have to think if you don't want to.
"Oh! When are you due?!"
How about... none of your fucking business lady.
"Do you know what it is yet?!"
Actually, it's a tumor that just causes me to look pregnant. Thanks for reminding me.
Up until this point my mother has been pretty okay and mostly helpful and excited about the pregnancy... which I appreciate. But the farther along that I get and the more we talk about actual child-rearing... the more turbulence we seem to incur.
I've been doing reading of current studies - mostly on infant safety. She does not always agree.
Example?
You're not supposed to put blankets, pillows, stuffed animals -- basically anything -- in the crib with the baby. Doing so increases the risk of suffocation and SIDS. So I put swaddling blankets and blankets intended for just that purpose on my registry.
"We'll see how long that lasts, it's going to be a pain in the butt." Thanks for your support.
I told my mother of my intent to put sunscreen on the baby every time we leave the house - maybe to just make it a post cleaning ritual "Why?" Um. Because exposure to sun, especially in infants leads to a much higher likelihood of skin cancer later on?
There's been more - but I'm too weary to write about it right now. I've opened up another blog on Tumblr http://aprilannies.tumblr.com It's more 'April Uncensored' I like Tumblr because you don't even have to think if you don't want to.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Feeling
I'm sick of everyone telling me how I'm going to feel.
"The first kick is magical"
"You're going to fall in love the first time you hold her!"
Et cetera, bullshit, et cetera.
How do you know how I'm going to feel? Maybe I'm a sociopath and I won't feel anything.
"The first kick is magical"
"You're going to fall in love the first time you hold her!"
Et cetera, bullshit, et cetera.
How do you know how I'm going to feel? Maybe I'm a sociopath and I won't feel anything.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Enslavement
My skin is freaking the fuck out. I am breaking out on my face, my chest, and my legs. It's pissing me off.
All my mother can talk about is this baby. For the most part this is okay because I don't have to bother other people who don't give a shit obsessing about it. I can tell we are going to dispute certain things. This should not be surprising since certain things have changed in the past thirty years or so.
The whole concept of, 'So you're having a baby!' is completely overwhelming. This goes back to the worry hobby that I was talking about last night. Even if I wasn't due during the fall semester I might have opted to go part time just to do all this damned research. But just like anything, the more you do it the easier it gets. But there's just SO MUCH to think about. It's easy to see how people become enslaved to their children. I'm still trying to avoid that.
School is a great distraction right now. I hope this remains the case in the fall semester and after the baby comes.
The pregnancy dreams have started. Very VERY vivid and usually pretty disturbing. Last night I was dreaming about roaches, the one thing that I have a near phobic fear of. Just typing the word and thinking about it makes my skin crawl. I spent all night (according to S.) twitching and brushing my skin. Everytime I woke up and tried to reset my mind, I went right back into the dream. It was awful. I've always been a vivid dreamer, but this is a whole new level of crazy. Even the sex dreams, which culminate in a full orgasm (no physical stimulation) are distressing because they usually have some dreadful horror-esque theme behind them...
All my mother can talk about is this baby. For the most part this is okay because I don't have to bother other people who don't give a shit obsessing about it. I can tell we are going to dispute certain things. This should not be surprising since certain things have changed in the past thirty years or so.
The whole concept of, 'So you're having a baby!' is completely overwhelming. This goes back to the worry hobby that I was talking about last night. Even if I wasn't due during the fall semester I might have opted to go part time just to do all this damned research. But just like anything, the more you do it the easier it gets. But there's just SO MUCH to think about. It's easy to see how people become enslaved to their children. I'm still trying to avoid that.
School is a great distraction right now. I hope this remains the case in the fall semester and after the baby comes.
The pregnancy dreams have started. Very VERY vivid and usually pretty disturbing. Last night I was dreaming about roaches, the one thing that I have a near phobic fear of. Just typing the word and thinking about it makes my skin crawl. I spent all night (according to S.) twitching and brushing my skin. Everytime I woke up and tried to reset my mind, I went right back into the dream. It was awful. I've always been a vivid dreamer, but this is a whole new level of crazy. Even the sex dreams, which culminate in a full orgasm (no physical stimulation) are distressing because they usually have some dreadful horror-esque theme behind them...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
What a Racket.
So I determined today that I could never ever work at Babies r' Us. I watched a guy who answered the phone and it went something like, 'So you're looking for the Fuzzy Wuzzy Itty Bitty Mobile Arm?' The things that would irritate me would be as follows:
1. The babies
2. The mothers/pregnant women
3. Their dumbass excited friends
4. The stupid product names
We spent two grand today on baby equipment. The cradle, the mattress, changing station/drawers, bedding, a changing mat, a travel system (car seat and stroller), a play-pen system, and a chair for me to sit in. Two grand?!! Really?
Baby stuff is officially stupidly expensive. I have to wonder before we had these super baby megastores... how did babies survive?
What prompted the sudden frenzy of baby buying? Well, we found out the gender, which somehow made the whole pregnancy thing much more real. We found out Thursday that it's a girl, and by Saturday, we've done all the big buying except for the paint for the room. While I might be crazy, my mother is completely insane because I told her it was a girl around 11am, by 4:30 she had spent at least $100 on little girl clothes. So I'm not worrying about clothing my baby.
I have a ton of idiotic FaceBook friends, but one in particular bugs the shit out of me. I think she's the same one who welcomed me to the mommy club. Ick, just thinking about it irritates me. But her most recent offensive remarks are just way crazier. She just had her baby less than a month ago. She was in love 'instantly!'. Finefinefine. But then she says to me... "I'm so excited for you! I'm ready to have number 2..." Gah! Really?! Gah!
Admittedly I'm feeling more excited about it. As I said, finding out the gender made it more real. I'm glad that it's a girl, while I've never been a girly-girl I've still had the experience of growing up a girl, so I feel more prepared. Though, a boy would have been nice if just to dress up in feminist t-shirts. I know. Wrong reason. I'm also excited about putting an infant in pro-choice gear.
The worry hobby has escalated to new heights. I worry about having a still-birth, especially now that the acceptance has settled and we've bought baby crap. I worry about what happens if she's autistic or slow. I worry about child-molestors and if the sunscreen that I choose will cause cancer. I worry about if she has terrible acne and can't make any friends in middle and high school. I worry that she might get involved in an abusive relationship, or drink and drive, or become a meth-head.... see? I'm really good at it. And what if I buy a car seat and then get in a crash and it kills her because I chose the wrong seat? What if I forget to take the stuffed animals out of the crib and she suffocates? What if the professional nanny we hire turns out to be a serial killer? Okay. I'm really going to stop now.
I'm sleeping better and though I haven't really had any noticeable weight gain, the weight transfer has made life uncomfortable. It's harder to stand up, roll over in bed, walk up hills... etc etc etc. The hormone relaxin has caused my knee ligaments to really loosen and cause some significant pain at times. My appetite is back, but I still have some aversion to meat. In general my cravings are getting more unhealthy. I want chocolate and cherry coke. What can I do?
1. The babies
2. The mothers/pregnant women
3. Their dumbass excited friends
4. The stupid product names
We spent two grand today on baby equipment. The cradle, the mattress, changing station/drawers, bedding, a changing mat, a travel system (car seat and stroller), a play-pen system, and a chair for me to sit in. Two grand?!! Really?
Baby stuff is officially stupidly expensive. I have to wonder before we had these super baby megastores... how did babies survive?
What prompted the sudden frenzy of baby buying? Well, we found out the gender, which somehow made the whole pregnancy thing much more real. We found out Thursday that it's a girl, and by Saturday, we've done all the big buying except for the paint for the room. While I might be crazy, my mother is completely insane because I told her it was a girl around 11am, by 4:30 she had spent at least $100 on little girl clothes. So I'm not worrying about clothing my baby.
I have a ton of idiotic FaceBook friends, but one in particular bugs the shit out of me. I think she's the same one who welcomed me to the mommy club. Ick, just thinking about it irritates me. But her most recent offensive remarks are just way crazier. She just had her baby less than a month ago. She was in love 'instantly!'. Finefinefine. But then she says to me... "I'm so excited for you! I'm ready to have number 2..." Gah! Really?! Gah!
Admittedly I'm feeling more excited about it. As I said, finding out the gender made it more real. I'm glad that it's a girl, while I've never been a girly-girl I've still had the experience of growing up a girl, so I feel more prepared. Though, a boy would have been nice if just to dress up in feminist t-shirts. I know. Wrong reason. I'm also excited about putting an infant in pro-choice gear.
The worry hobby has escalated to new heights. I worry about having a still-birth, especially now that the acceptance has settled and we've bought baby crap. I worry about what happens if she's autistic or slow. I worry about child-molestors and if the sunscreen that I choose will cause cancer. I worry about if she has terrible acne and can't make any friends in middle and high school. I worry that she might get involved in an abusive relationship, or drink and drive, or become a meth-head.... see? I'm really good at it. And what if I buy a car seat and then get in a crash and it kills her because I chose the wrong seat? What if I forget to take the stuffed animals out of the crib and she suffocates? What if the professional nanny we hire turns out to be a serial killer? Okay. I'm really going to stop now.
I'm sleeping better and though I haven't really had any noticeable weight gain, the weight transfer has made life uncomfortable. It's harder to stand up, roll over in bed, walk up hills... etc etc etc. The hormone relaxin has caused my knee ligaments to really loosen and cause some significant pain at times. My appetite is back, but I still have some aversion to meat. In general my cravings are getting more unhealthy. I want chocolate and cherry coke. What can I do?
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